Almost all unhappiness in life comes from the tendency to blame someone else. – Brian Tracey
Our inherent ingenuity aside, one recurrent vice an average Nigerian is prone to is the knack for apportioning blame at everything else but ourselves. Come late, blame the road, fail test, blame the teacher, underperform at a task, blame a colleague; it’s a vicious cycle where we always find an excuse or blame for every act of ineptitude. And, this is the year to stop this if you really want to possess good success!
When you blame others, you give up your power to change; you create an environment of De-motivation around you by the negative energy of blaming. Success is in taking responsibility of the results as the first step for bringing in the desired results. Time spent in blaming is a total waste.
People spend too much time finding other people to blame, too much energy finding excuses for not being what they are capable of being, and not enough energy putting themselves on the line, growing out of the past, and getting on with their lives.
Pathologic blamers are mostly wishful thinkers that cannot transform the wish into well-formed-outcomes and goals and therefore, they hardly know what to do and if they know what to do, they hardly have the appropriate level of skills. Blamers have great imaginations. They can easily figure out the way of turning the facts and distorting the realities in a way that salvages their character or reputation. They believed if they accept the responsibility instead of blaming others or even blaming themselves, they will be dramatically undermined and degraded. They just cannot take the pain of degradation. They see a great level of relief in blaming others.
The way they perceive the mistakes or faults is either to blame themselves or to blame others. They have only two options. Instead of blaming themselves, they find it easier to blame others. If they learnt that there is another option and it is not blaming anybody but accepting the responsibility for correcting the situation and learning the skills, they would begin a new path in their life.
The reason that the blamers do not succeed as well as the ones who take the responsibilities is in the fact that they expect success without any failure, without any fault and without any mistake.
They just can’t bear the guilt of not being able to do things correctly. Blamers think that success comes very easily and without any failure. The history of all successful people indicates that they do a lot of mistakes before they get it right and succeed.
The successful people take the blame gracefully and begin to find a way for avoiding it next time when they are blamed for their failures. The blamers think differently. They look for everybody who have been somehow involved or could have been involved in a scenario. If they can find somebody who had some involvement in the faulty action they immediately begin to blame that person. If they cannot find somebody easily to blame for their wrongdoing then they blame their parents, people, the circumstances, the systems and even bad luck.
Blaming circumstances or people would not resolve the problems of the blamers, in fact, it will increase their problems. Some of the blamers who have institutionalized blaming others have taken an attitude of transferring the blame for their own faults even when they get old. As they get older they increase the number of blaming others. If you sit down and talk with an old blamer you will realize that he has accumulated thousands of excuses for not being able to succeed and he has found hundreds of people to blame for his own failures.
The good news is that most of the conditioning of childhood or by the environment that keeps you from success can be reversed. The starting point is the realization of the extent to which conditioning affects your perception that shapes your attitudes and behavior. For this, you are required to appreciate your vast unexplored potential and take responsibility of making “A” choice – that of doing something about it rather than being casual about it or blaming circumstances and people. You are also required to understand that the reprogramming takes place the same way as the programming in the initial stage – by repetition. Persistence, thus, becomes a key quality for success.
It is wise to direct your anger towards problems – not people; to focus your energies on answers – not excuses. – William Arthur Ward
When you blame somebody, in effect, it actually means you expect somebody else to change your life situation. It means you are waiting for the other person to redeem you of your problems. It isn’t their life though, it’s your life.
If you think seriously about it, it’s actually your fault that you are not happy, it’s your fault for not taking those great opportunities and it’s your fault for letting another person take advantage of you.
Your life is in direct response to the way how you treat yourself as a person. Everything you have in your life is a manifestation of how you treat yourself, NOT how somebody else treated you or what somebody else has done..
The reason why we blame others is because we become uncertain about our own capabilities and we become thwarted by our problems in life. We tend to come up with excuses to stay away from what we should be doing.
The truth is we don’t like to admit when we are wrong and when we are caught; we like to shift the blame to someone or something else. If we are stopped for speeding we immediately offer an excuse, such as “I was going with the flow of traffic” (blaming someone else) or “I didn’t see the sign noting the speed change” (blaming something else). We try to excuse our behavior and lessen the guilt and even the consequence of our sin.
Regardless of how much you blame others, it will not change your life; but the less you blame others, the more you will exercise greater intuition and greater judgment about what’s really going on. It means you rely on yourself to determine your outcomes in life and break through adversity and this is a powerful thing!
Take full responsibility for your situation and discover how you can create success for yourself without giving away your power.
Ask yourself the following questions: Am I in charge of my life outcomes? Can I personally make things better in this situation? How can I take responsibility to become better?
When you do this, you grow to feel more independent, increase determination and grow stronger as you find new ways to enhance stronger character traits. Fulfill your deepest needs and take responsibility for your outcomes that you want to manifest into your life – from now onwards, to your life success and powers.
You have to know that unsuccessful people blame external circumstances; successful people internalize responsibility for their results. This represents a new way of thinking; a paradigm shift that is necessary for your progress. Until this shift takes place the unsuccessful continue to get more and more of what they don’t want, and comically it is never their fault.